My Education on Dejected
In my life, up to that night, first time I feel darn guilty and confused. I am thinking, I should be responsible for her. I need to do something to amend what I did with her. The feeling of guilt is making me darn unhappy. I returned home feeling dejected. Dad asked me how it goes, I said nothing more than oh, the friend is ok now, hence I leave for home. Nothing else. I stayed in the room, only out to toilet and to get some light snack. No mood to eat. Of course, the worst is when I start to think, darn, how if she is pregnant with my baby. My mind is so confused and it is all so wrong. I remember Ying teaching me that we should draw a line to our limit. Hence up to now, never once did I penetrate Ying for this teaching. But last night, what have I done, I think to myself.
That night, after dinner, and when everyone else asleep, Ying came into my room....
Ying: Why you look so grumpy and quiet today?
Me: Am I?
Ying: Is it something happened last night?
Me: No la, nothing happened la
Ying: Come on, you can't cheat me, I know something happened last night.
Me: Sigh ....
Ying: Tell me about it, if you want
Me: Please go to sleep, I just want to be alone ...
Yeah man, what a jerk. I mean me. I told that to Ying, and I think this hurt her a lot, coz she quietly, reluctantly left me alone. I don't know what to tell her, coz if I tell her I fuck another gal, it might hurt her more. I can only get back some sleep and forget that all this happened. The next day, as usual proceed to my mum kopitiam to help out. Darn, and I totally forgotten about May. She suddenly came into my mind, coz again I saw her family there with her. But we didn't talk, not even eye contact, just stealing glance at her once a while.
That evening, I intend to call her, but no, I hesitated. In my mind, so confused, thinking of what happened to Sasa vs May. I even imagined how is Sasa is pregnant, got kick out of school, give birth to my kid, being a single mum... the kid live a miserable, poor life, and eventually became a thug, gangster ... KNN, this is really killing. Then suddenly the phone rang ... gave me a big shock ...
Me: Halo?
Lady: Is it you?
Me: Huh? May ah?
May: Yes ....
Me: I ... er.... I was about to call you ...
May: Oh really .... why didn't you?
Me: Err ... coz you called ....
May: You got something to tell me ?
Me: Err ... No ... I mean, Yes, I got to tell you this
May: Go on
Me: I ... err ... I .... ah .... well, I didn't know ..... Argh ... sorry, I don't know how to put it
May: Can we then forget this whole thing?
Me: Huh? What you mean?
May: It is killing me you know *sob* .... (think she is crying)
Me: I .... I ..... can we meet some where now? Right now, some where?
May: No, I can't go out
Me: Ok, let stay calm ok .... what you mean by asking me to forget this whole thing?
May: I just want to say, I am sorry
HUH??? Yeah man, what the fuck right? I am being the jerk, shame on me to sit with 5 gals (and hugging) but she is the one apologizing ... My mind is blank, but happy at the same time for I think I win, but dunno what is the prize.
May: I don't want you to leave me
Me: Oh, no, don't, I mean, no I won't leave you
May: Can me be the same like the past?
Me: Err ... sure, of course yes, why not.
May: Ok,
Me: Hope you feel better ... why don't we meet up tomorrow, ok? After the tuition? We can go McD
May: Ok...
Me: You have a good rest then, and don't think too much ...
After the conversation, I am kinda lost, a different confusion, I think. Hahahaha ... well, life is full of unexpected scenes. My dejection on event with Sasa is really temporarily. Coz I remembered after that I only saw Sasa once after many many weeks. We both bum into each other, just a smile from me then I moved on, not a single word said to Sasa and she too, walk off. Well, the relieve is she is ok and still the usual jerks, I heard. Hahaha. A nice and clean one night stand with the CCB asshole Sasa....
The next week, met May in McD after tuition.
May: You know, when I saw you with the girls, it really hurts me
Me: Oh, I didn't know that
May: I ran away.
Me: Ok. But why? You don't have too
May: I don't know, but I am too angry
Me: Where you run to?
May: Can we don't talk about this later?
Me: Ok, what you want to do now?
May: I need to see doctor, can you accompany me?
Me: Oh, ok ... what happened to you?
May: I don't know ...
Me being naive, since asked nicely by May, followed her lo ....